An Itchy Hitch

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They met at ‘The Yard’, a happening place. He whistled at her, saying  “Nice Wheels”.  One thing led to another. Soon, they were hitched.

Behind the screen of clatter, on the monotonous journey, the friction of daily life was igniting sparks of dissent.

“Why do I have to always follow you?”

“That’s the way it’s done!”

“Can’t we go side by side?”

“Are you dumb! There is no room for two”

“Can we take turns being first then?”

“Are you dumb!”

It didn’t seem like the right track.

One thing led to another. He was back at ‘The Yard’ ,unhitched.

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The above 100 word story is written in response to the 100 word photo challenge posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Field each week. Photo prompt copyright Jennifer Pendergast.

Click on the ‘blue frog’  below to read other amazing takes, that fellow Friday Fictioneers have, on the same photo prompt.

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48 responses to “An Itchy Hitch

  1. Ansumani, I love how you played with words, and the obvious, to tell an all too familiar story about relationships. I was in a relationship like the one to which you allude. I left him back at the yard too. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow Ansumani, a lovely piece which made me smile. I’m glad she left him unhitched in the yard, he din’t deserve her. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Awesome! Nicely done!

    Like

  4. Wonderful! A parable for our times 😃

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yup really made me chuckle. Thanks

    Like

  6. I’m not sure whether my first comment went through (maybe it’s still in mod) or maybe I didn’t ‘send’ because I went to have a look at an earlier piece of your work. Anyway, I liked it, I thought the metaphor worked really well. Good piece. One thing that struck me in the second para: I’d swop those two subordinate clauses round – so it starts with ‘on the monotonous journey’ first so that ‘behind the screen of clatter’ is qualifying the first. That’s just me though, and I can’t really explain why. Hope you didn’t mind me saying that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sandra, I’m grateful for any feedback that I can take back and improve my writing…Please keep them coming. I don’t mind at all. I recall writing the line and feeling that from a logical flow of words perspective something was amiss….I guess the subordinate clauses followed my ‘train of thought’ …the ‘screen of clatter’ was so dominantly pictured in my mind that I had to put it down in words and get it out of the way…’the monotonous journey’ an after-thought clattering obediently behind 🙂

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      • So glad you didn’t mind. (I’m nervous about offering crit.) Sometimes I think prose is rather like poetry, there’s a balance to it, and instinctively the mind tries to find or correct that balance, quite noticeably so in shorter pieces like this. Cheers.

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Great story! A familiar tale of many relationships told through the medium of steam trains 🙂

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  8. I, too, loved the way you linked the train imagery to the story. That guy is no loss, I’m sorry for the woman who gets hitched next.

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  9. That was marvellous. There’s more than a single story there, and that’s splendid. A different perspective. Nice work.

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  10. Calling her dumb certainly didn’t help his cause. BTW, shouldn’t there be a question mark after, “Are you dumb?”

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    • Good question! Was wondering if anyone noticed …A “?” was deliberately replaced with a “!” to indicate tone of voice…. to show how it was spoken more like a statement rather than a question. Also I didn’t specify with dialogue belonged to which gender with a “he said”, “she said”….Most readers assumed that the “are you dumb!” set of statements were made by the male.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. You gave me a laugh this morning, and with a serious side behind it. Clever play on words here, nice one!

    Like

  12. So adorable! I love the use of onomatopoeia that really gave this feel of being on a train. Hopefully, he’ll learn. I especially loved the opening sentence, about how there’s always something happening in The Yard.

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  13. A clever story with excellent dialogue. The train imagery works really well right up to the end when she leaves hin unhitched. Well done.

    Like

  14. Dear Ansumani,

    A lighthearted take on life and love. Back to ‘The yard’. Love it.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  15. At least she was smart enough to get unhitched! Too many get stuck. Kudos to her!

    Like

  16. This is a fun read. I love all of the plays on words.

    Like

  17. Ha! Ha! This must be the adult version of ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’.

    Like

  18. Dear Ansumani,

    A different take on the prompt and a clever play on words. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  19. Very entertaining. I love the voices and the metaphors. I took a similar approach to this prompt.

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  20. Oh that is how it is to be unhitched.. 🙂

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  21. quite imaginative take on the prompt, well written

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  22. I like the voices, a relationship compressed I few sentences. Nicely done.

    Like

  23. Clever use of the prompt, Ansumani, likening people to boxcars. I could guess what was coming. He’ll probably end up getting “hitched” to some other unfortunate “car.” Well done. 😀 — Suzanne

    Like

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