Are mothers overrated ? Are we attributing too much credit to the mother’s upbringing for an individual’s success?
I hear responses like: “What kind of stupid question is that?” , “yes , a mother is responsible for her child’s success and character”
My husband used to be ( maybe secretly is)a firm believer in this theory of full Maternal accountability.
“I owe who I have become to my mother”, he say proudly gently urging me to compete with his mother to “fix” my sons ….I mean our sons.
“If the child behaves badly then it’s the mother’s fault” he continued, to make me understand my full maternal accountability and responsibility.
“So, that negative quality of yours is due to your mother”, I asked innocently naming one trait. (He’s nearly perfect ….nearly …)
“No. That’s just me . Not listening to my mother . She was still patient and consistently tried to correct me. I didn’t listen ” he explains very logically.
“So a mother can only do so much and the child is ultimately accountable for their choices . Then why should the mother be blamed when a child does something wrong?” I ask equally logically.
“Didn’t your mother teach you not to argue for the sake of arguing?”, he asked.
“she did. That’s just me. Not listening to her “, I say….logically or illogically depending on your perspective . (It’s not easy living with me when I’m logical …Can u imagine how it will be when I’m illogical? Poor man…)
The prevalent logic apparently is that your mother is faultless and everyone else’s mothers is responsible.
You can get put on a pedestal as a mother but it’s a long perilous climb that you need to go alone and be ready to take the fall if something beyond your control happens …like a small gust of wind.
A mother does not raise a child in a vacuum . She had no control of the genes that she passed down. Or the genes she picked to partner with. She has no control on the environment, the supporting infrastructure of teachers , the kids in her child’s class and the list goes on.so many factors went into who you are today and the mothers role is everything and nothing at the same time.
She can be the framework of unconditional love . A role model. A friend . A coach . But we all needed more than that to be who we are. Much of it was our choice on how to use that framework and draw strength from it or not to.
This mother’s Day ,I want to say “don’t overrate the mother and blame her if things don’t go the way you wanted “.
Take responsibility for your choices and go celebrate that unconditional love of a mother who carried you in her womb, went through agonizing pain to give birth to you, lost sleep trying to feed and raise you and …..who takes blame for all your failings . Don’t fail her!
Have a very Happy Mother’s Day !
This was a fabulous piece and I agree with you at each word there. Mothers are human too. They do their best when it comes to raising a child but that does not put the mother in that bad light. Loved your writing!
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Thanks Parul ! Hope you had a great Mother’s day.
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How true. What about fathers? Did we become mothers without them? I always tell everyone that if your child is bad it is your fault and if your child is good, the credit goes to the father!
Yes, its sadly common for fathers to take credit and mothers to take blame. But most people , unless they had an exceptional father, always credit their mother for their success. Some Father’s usually end up part of the growing up environment without standing out as equal partners in parenting….not that they don’t care but rather because of a misconception that men are not responsible for the day-to-day parenting.