Repeat customers

Sita tentatively steps through the door.

“I was told…I can change my past here?…for free?”, her eyes hold question-marks.

“You are at the right place ,Honey”, Mia assures her.  “Let me tell you how this works. You pick your life’s major cross-road.  You choose a different path. You arrive at whatever place that path would have taken you today. Any questions? No? “.

Sita’s eager choice launches an avalanche of new memories coming to rest at a door, which looks vaguely familiar.

Sita tentatively steps through the door.

Mia hides her sigh behind a smile and welcomes Sita, again.

—-end —

For the concrit subgroup : I wasn’t sure if the last line was necessary . what do you think? Also how did the tenses work?

—-

This  100 word story was written in response to a 100 word photo challenge  posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields each week. PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

Click on the ‘blue frog’  below to read other amazing takes on the same photo prompt:

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58 responses to “Repeat customers

  1. C – I think the last line was definitely needed.. the last word tied it all together for me, and it is very clever. I get the impression that Sita is trapped in a loop. There is a small typo on the comma between place and Honey…

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  2. Oh I definitely agree you need that last sentence. It brings it round full circle!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think the last line works. It adds a touch of ambiguity, mingled with dry wit. It’s a pity Mia isn’t charging for her work, she could be onto a winner here.

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  4. Dear Ansumani,

    I also think the last line brings the story full circle. It also brings about the question if we could change things would the outcome be any better? Or worse? Thought provoking and well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    • Thanks Rochelle. I was thinking how some people repeat the same mistakes of the past yet expect different results. If they can’t change their present and future learning from the mistakes of the past , going back to the past is not going to help either.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I think it needs the last line – that’s what cemented the idea in my mind that poor Sita is stuck in a loop of her own making. Great story!

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  6. You can’t mess with fate!

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  7. That last line gives a full meaning, I adore it.

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  8. Great story – kind of Groundhog Day with choices.

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  9. Nice story. I think the last line is the most important of the entire piece. It clarifies the point. I enjoyed the theme as well. We can look to our past and think “If only…” while forgetting that a new path means new choices and potential for greater joy or greater suffering. Really well done.

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  10. Great story. Makes you wonder about fate, and the way we can make choices, or not. C- If you want to leave the last line out, you’d need to make the sentence with the familiar door clearer. I think it’s better with the last line.
    The tenses work fine for me.
    Are you interested in punctuation critique? There are a few things. I’m not a specialist, still making too many mistakes, but I keep learning. Things like a blank after three periods, punctuation within paranthesis and quotation marks, and such.

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  11. If give the chance for a “re-do” I don’t think I would do it. Maybe Sita shouldn’t have either!

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  12. Wonderful Story !! amazingly written…:)

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  13. i guess sita is confronted with a revolving door. she must figure out how to get out of it. but how? that’s one of life’s mystery. 🙂

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    • Some situations are created by external forces that we have no control over and getting out of it is still life’s mystery. But then there are ones where we create ourselves…and maybe there we have a choice to do something different.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Great story, brilliant lesson.

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  15. I love the last sentence… Very loopy! I wonder what she was trying to change?

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  16. It was extremely well written and thought provoking. One of your very best–so far. 🙂

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  17. You sure made me think the number of times I have ended up from where I started. Clever piece.

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  18. I really like the twist – the last line definitely ties it all up, and it’s such a clever idea.

    In terms of constructive feedback, I think the spin would be even clearer if you chopped a bit of filler, such as the line about question marks in Sita’s eyes. Your dialogue reads really naturally, and (imo, of course!) it’d have even more impact if it was left to stand alone.

    Look forward to reading more from you!

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    • Thanks for the feedback. I can see your point. Originally I wanted to show that it wasn’t Sita’s first time there yet that she had no memory of being there and so added that “question mark” to emphasize that.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Definitely needs the last line. This one made me smile. I was asked in a past poetry class, to write a poem of regrets. I struggled and struggled with it and finally did the opposite and entitled it Pollyanna! 🙂 I decided that I didn’t have any regrets. Note: that’s different from saying “I’m not sorry for some things that happened.” If one has regrets, that means you wish that thing / things had been different. And if that’s the case, there is a ripple effect — change one thing and your life is different today. So for me, this piece reaffirmed my thinking on this. As it, she ends up right back where she started….and I like to think of this in a positive way!

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    • This is definitely not a negative piece . You are thinking about it is right. This story is more an observation on how some people repeat the same mistakes how many ever chances they get to their life on track . And if one can’t change the present , from the lessons of the past, no amount of going back will help. Thanks for the feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. The idea is very interesting about if we could choose a different path would we do it. And maybe the original path was what was meant to be. So I can not judge this person for not changing her life and I think that is what you are saying that she did not change because she ended up at the same place. The only thing confusing would be why would she have different memories?

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    • Deborah, She did change her path and still ended up at the same place/situation as her original path. As an example , let’s say she chose a different path where she buys the winning lottery ticket and yet she ends up bankrupt in 5 years – the same place she was when she didn’t win the lottery. I have heard enough stories of people who win millions and end up losing them in a few years.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. This is a great story, and I’m glad you kept the last line because that’s what makes the whole story. Flash fiction is all about the perfect word or phrase in the perfect place.

    I’m not sure if Mia is malicious in this or if it is unavoidable since she seems to know she is coming and that she is trapped in a loop. It works either way, but I was wondering what you intended.
    -David

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  22. This certainly is thought provoking.

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  23. Oh that was fun. How many times can you go through the door?

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  24. C – Yes, I liked the last sentence too. Although without it the story would be strong in different ways, it woud have been implied that she was getting something equally dissatisfying, but not that she’d have another chance to change it.
    One little concrete thing: I think you would be better served by a full stop before “her eyes hold question marks”, because it’s a fresh phrase not an attribution. It’s a lovely line though.

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  25. What a novel idea. I love both characters. Sita is so easy to connect with – never content; and Mia’s little sigh and eternal patience are wonderful.

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  26. I suspect if such a place existed… there would be a long line!

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  27. I agree the last line is needed. Poor Sita, caught in a loop. Well done, Ansumani. 🙂 — Suzanne

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