The leader waits for the restless crowd to quieten:
“We evolved, to look like twigs , to remain hidden from our predators. Our cover was eventually exposed.
We evolved again , to look like leaves. We thrived . But trees are now extinct.”
Dissenting voices rise- “so are our predators” .
“Are you forgetting the one predator left?”
The sobering truth sinks in. The leader has their attention. He pulls out a cable wire.
“If we evolved to look like this, we can thrive. Our predator would dig delicately around us, leave us alone, because they live in mortal fear of losing …………. internet connection.”
—– End —-
This 100 word story is written in response to the 100 word photo challenge posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields each week. This week’s photo was provided by Mrs. Connie Russell.
Click on the ‘blue frog’ below to read other amazing takes on the same photo prompt:
Excellent take on the prompt, made me grin.
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Thanks Sandra.
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Awesome !!!!!!!!
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Thanks Mersha.
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Tis true! Very funny story.
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Thanks Melanie.
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Dear Ansumani,
C-A clever story. We are addicted to our internet aren’t we?
Just a few nit-picky things. First an second paragraphs I don’t think you need commas after evolved and evolved again. (Mind you, I tend to have a lot of trouble with commas, ie when and were, so you take this with a grain of salt.)
At the end fear of losing…internet. Only three dots in an ellipsis.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks for the Constructive crit Rochelle. I did hesitate on adding the commas – took them off and added them back in -so your feedback helps me decide that the comma isn’t needed.
On the ellipsis ,I was hoping to convey a long pause and to “unveill” the finish visually…thought more dots would help.
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You might consider an m-dash then. Which in word doc is two dashes —
Also this isn’t really crit…Mrs. Connie Gayer, Russell’s wife. 😉 I used “Mrs. Russell” to connect her with her funny man husband. Sorry if I confused you.
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At the risk of incurring the wrath of our mighty leader, I like your commas where they are.
They change the meaning, very subtly, in my view.
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Amusing little piece.
Well punctuated!
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But imagine that these days we have Wifi
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My creatures just got adjusted to cable and now they have to evolve again 🙂
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C – I had to read “are our predators” three times. Would “the” work better instead of “our” to avoid the stumbling? or just “our predators are extinct”
Tracey
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Tracey – thanks for the feedback. I think ” our predators are extinct too” might work as well , except that makes the story 101 words 🙂
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A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do for clarity. But I’m a rule breaker so don’t count my words. Ever. ha ha
You’re welcome
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*Snort* and a laugh from me…so true!
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Thanks Dale 🙂
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Nice take on the prompt! 🙂
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Thanks Courtney 🙂
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Very funny. Have we gotten that bad, the world? Well at least these creatures are adaptable.
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Thanks Deborah. In the developed part of the world – yes we have gotten that bad :).
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Well done. Mrs. Connie Gayer will be well pleased with your use of her photo. Unfortunately, the road grader operator could care less about OUR internet connection as long as HIS still works. 🙂
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Thanks Russell. I just read about your road grader operator. No creature can evolve fast enough to keep up with the stupidity of humans like your road grader operator 🙂
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LOL. so true! Excellent story.
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Thanks!
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Very clever. Loved this.
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Hilarious, Ansumani. That’s really clever of them. It might not work in our city though as cables are sometimes cut by workers digging for some road work or other. I hope they don’t become phone cable as some of that was stolen a couple years ago. Well done. 😀 — Suzanne
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Thanks Suzanne. I guess these creatures will soon find out about these “workers” and have to evolve again 🙂
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This is incredibly fun.
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Thanks Alicia 🙂
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i think their leader is very smart. i don’t mind joining in. 🙂
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Leading change is not easy . It needs all the smartness a creature can muster. Please join the evolving crowd they would love the company 🙂
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C – Love that last line, and the idea of things disguising themselves as the things all around us, although, I have to agree with Rochelle about three dots being better than many. I worry a little about the background to the story. It seems to me that the leader is telling his listeners a story they already know – reminding them that they were once twigs and then leaves. How they could they forget the one predator they have left?
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Thanks Claire. I tend to go overboard with my dots 🙂
As for the background of the story , I have a lengthy reply.
Most persuvasive rhetoric starts with a little rehash of the past – a reminder of past struggles – to get every person ( insect in this case ) to experience the same need they felt earlier so they can be spurred to similar action in the future.
If you have time you can read the most famous speech ” I have a dream” :
http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm. In this MLK frames the struggles of the past and a momentary victory – then goes on to say that the struggle still continues…
MLK’s speech: “I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.
Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination…..”
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Great story, made me smile 🙂 Very clever, these little critters.
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Thanks Ali. The intelligence of little critters is usually underestimated 🙂
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Ha, that was clever.
Some unconventional punctuation here: like here: ‘twigs , to’
and here ‘evolved again , to look like’
And elsewhere. Very often comes from editing/cutting and pasting.
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Thanks Patrick for that feedback. In this case the commas was due to an attempt to “write” a speech (rhetoric) with pauses etc. Maybe I can use the word “pause” instead of comma as long as that doesn’t go against the word count.
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Oh, haha, I loves it! And, sadly, it’s true! LOL!
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Thanks Jellico!
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Oh gosh too true!
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That made me laugh out loud. C–Can’t comment on the commas, since I constantly struggle with them myself. I immediately connected the critters to insects, because there are species in the locust family that look like twigs, others look like leaves… I guess that’s what you referred to, right? The story structure worked very well for me, and that last line was hilarious. Beware, little insects, your predator has Wifi! Better evolve into the shapes of smartphones.
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Thanks Gah! I was referring to these same insects you are talking about but didn’t want to name them.
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Very clever and entertaining. Don’t hurt that wire: pamper it and feed it. Get it women. Just don’t hurt it!!!
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A perfect story that really hits home with me this week as my employer threatens to disconnect the internet citing it as a distraction.
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LOL and it is so true. We certainly live in fear of losing our connection.
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