“There’s a 2 sq.ft hole in our church floor. School needs expansion…” , the secretary lists the Church’s needs eyeing the once-upon-a-time snake-oil salesman turned Reverend.
“That unused cemetery acre, Mrs.McGrave’s plot? Can’t we use that? Surely she will understand the needs of poor children…”
“She hates children”
“I’ll talk to her”.
—
After service, the Reverend walks up to the frail old Mrs.McGrave. “How lovely to see you my dear….”
— A few months later —
A new 2 sq.ft plaque , covering the once-upon-a-time hole on the church floor reads: “Herein rests Emma McGrave….”
Outside the construction crews were busy building the McGrave wing.
— end —
This 99 word story is written in response to the 100 word photo challenge posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields each week. This week’s photo prompt – © J Hardy Carroll
Click on the ‘blue frog’ below to read other amazing takes on the same photo prompt:
Roots & Water 
Very clever. He has the right background. Nicely written with a surprise ending.
You need a stop after “She hates children”
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Thanks Patrick for the comment and edit 🙂
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I think Mrs. McGraves realized that getting buried inside the church would be great honor.
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Yes, she was sold honor, fame and might be some salvation too …
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Dear Ansumani,
The snake oil salesman turned Reverend hasn’t lost his touch, has he? Clever story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Great story and great word play. And what a timely death of a wealthy benefactor.
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Thank you. Maybe the thought of being honoured sped up the process of dying or maybe the preacher had some samples of snake-oil leftover 🙂
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A good former snake oil salesman makes an excellent reverend.
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C- Something about the tense is bugging me. How can the entire piece be in present tense (real time)? The conversations preceed the outcome (the lady dies and donates) which takes place three months later but it is still presented in present tense. It doesn’t work for me. I probably didn’t explain that very well. The premise was very good.
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Tracey – thanks for that feedback. There are three events that are narrated in present tense -in the order of occurence. The “—” between them was meant to make them distinct and each a separate “scene”. If you take a play – each scene happens in the present “tense”. I was trying to bring that play effect here.
With that said, I still think there is room for improvement – just that I can’t think of what exactly can be done.
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I wasn’t sure either. Thank you for accepting my criticism in stride.
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Sounds like he could sell snow to the eskimos. Nice one.
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Thanks Sandra. He can certainly sell and we will buy 🙂
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Great story! Everyone got what they wanted in the end. The vicar hasn’t lost his touch 🙂
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Thanks Ali.
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Great title!
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Thanks!
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Snake oil salesman “turned” reverend? You mean there’s a difference?!
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The difference is that he is now working for a non-profit versus a for-profit organization…The product is pretty much the same.
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I think you’re confusing non-taxable with non-profit. 😉
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I love this, they both get what they want, and I even think Mrs. McGrave is a tougher negotiator, being buried in the church, and having the new wing named after her… C– Worked for me, I found it clever and entertaining.
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Thanks Gah. Mrs.McGrave may be a tough negotiator but she was manipulated to desire a product that she didn’t have immediate need of …
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I have the sense that the creepy reverend might have accelerated her demise….
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Left-over Snake oil may have helped him in the process. Well at least the children have a new school 🙂
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i hope she died of natural causes. that would be nice.
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Cynical but probably true to life – or death!
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Good story. I liked the three scenes.
C – You are missing a ‘the’ before service and “on the church floor” should possibly be ‘in the church floor.’ The last sentence in the second paragraph could be restructured to have it flow better.
Cheers Irene
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Thanks Irene. I cut the “the” before the “service” deliberately as I was at 101 words and thought it could work without it. Then i edited some other line and brought the count down to 99.
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I love the name, Mrs. McGrave–how clever 🙂 This guy is slick. I’m surprised he didn’t go into politics.
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Thanks Russell. I’m learning the art of naming characters from you. You are my unpaid Guru 🙂
Are there altar boys in politics?
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Excellent! Truly enjoyed this, lots of mystery wrapped up in so few words. You might consider adding one more word and making it a true drabble.
A drabble is a story done in exactly 100 words. Easiest way is to take ‘there’s’ and make it a ‘there is.’ Simple. Shooting for exactly 100 words makes the flash so much more fun!
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Thanks Yolanda. Adding a word is a breeze ..it’s removing one that can be painful like extracting teeth 🙂
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So true, so very, very true!
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Win-win! Fun read.
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Thanks Dale. But it is really a win-win ?
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I guess everyone got what they wanted. A little piece for everyone. Original take!
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Thanks Amy
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C-
Piggybacking off Tracey’s comment, I stumbled a bit with the tense as well. I think it’s because certain parts read much like stage directions. (“After service, the Reverend walks up to the frail old Mrs.McGrave.”) It suits your projection of this being like a play, but may make for a slight hurdle without having that format in mind.
Aside from that, it’s nice to see the power of persuasion used beyond personal interest. Well, assuming that those “poor children” weren’t themselves swindled by that salesm– I mean, Reverend.
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Thanks for the constructive crit. Maybe a heading like “scene1 /act 2 ” would help next time I want to project a story like a play and bring the reader to the same wavelength.
There is always room for improvement in writing and I’m trying out various formats to see how it works.
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Good story, Ansumani. Maybe the old lady was just waiting for an otfer of a buriel inside the church and for the wing to be named after her. Clever woman. I suspect she just was biding her time. 🙂 — Suzanne
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