It’s not the same without you!

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

“So where is Home?”, the stranger asked making small-talk.

Home. The single storey brick home with two bedrooms, two baths and green mosaic floor. Light yellow paint. Packed with furniture with just enough room to walk.

“It burnt down”, I say.

I can still see it burning on the banks of a river, long gone dry. The ashes being gathered in an urn.

I go home to the single storey brick home with two bedrooms, two baths and green mosaic floor. Light yellow paint. Packed with furniture with just enough room to walk. The urn collecting dust on the shelf.

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The above 100 word story is written in response to the 100 word photo challenge posted by Rochelle Wisoff-Field each week. PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

Click on the ‘blue frog’  below to read other amazing takes, that fellow Friday Fictioneers have, on the same photo prompt.

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56 responses to “It’s not the same without you!

  1. Good, short story with a surprise ending. 🙂

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  2. You stumped me this week. Better draw me a picture.

    Meow =^^=

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah, I didn’t understand this until I read the comments. Now it all makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ah.. somehow the urn should have told me.. a home is more than walls and furniture… maybe the urn gathering dust mislead me a little.

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  5. I loved what you did with this piece Ansumani, so sad and so true. Well done 🙂

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  6. Took me a while and peruse of the comments but I got there.
    Clever idea.

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  7. I don’t mind having to work for it. Nicely done.

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  8. Dear Ansumani,

    I, too, had to dig for this and found the answer in your answer to Tracey. The repetition of the description of the house is quite effective. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    • Thanks Rochelle. I was debating whether to go over the limit of 100 words or not….and whether I should add “home doesn’t feel like home after Dad passed”. But that was too obvious.

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  9. Dear Ansumani,

    I loved your exchange with Tracey almost as much as I enjoyed your sad and often true somewhere out there story. Into the heart of a grieving soul. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  10. The house is still there but the home burnt down, and now the urn is gathering dust. The poor person seems unable to move on after the tragedy. I loved the meaning within the meaning, great take on the prompt.

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  11. Even though filled with furniture, it must feel empty now that the loved one is gone.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Powerful writing, so much said with so few words.

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  13. Very sad, but a well done piece. 🙂

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  14. The repetition worked well. Home will never be the same, changed forever. Nice work.

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  15. The repetition gives this a dream-like quality – and grief can feel like walking through life as if in a dream, while others go on as usual around you.
    The description of the house is both brief and complete – that compression of words can be so effective. Well done!
    I always know when I’ve really liked a story when I start trying to solve it – eg I would prescribe a very long holiday to this person. Oh I forgot, it’s a story!

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  16. @mjlstories – Thanks for this great feedback! I must have pressed a wrong button and this got deleted.

    “The repetition gives this a dream-like quality – and grief can feel like walking through life as if in a dream, while others go on as usual around you.
    The description of the house is both brief and complete – that compression of words can be so effective. Well done!
    I always know when I’ve really liked a story when I start trying to solve it – eg I would prescribe a very long holiday to this person. Oh I forgot, it’s a story!”

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  17. I confess, I had to browse through the comments about some of the images in the story. But the meaning stands out very well: the death of a loved one has changed the house forever. The urn gathering dust was a really nice touch, as was the river, long gone dry. Excellent story.

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  18. Very sad story about someone bound by grief and very well written. Brilliant.

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  19. The parallel wording works very well even though it confuses at first. The house hasn’t burned down at all but changed nonetheless with the passing of the loved one. Touching story.

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  20. Very moving and true. I saw the house burning on the river bank, as a body being burned at the Ganges– metaphorically, that’s where my head went. Either way, your story telling here is deliberate and beautiful.

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  21. The rhythm of the story was wonderful, and the imagery rich and mysterious… mystery solved when I read Your response to Tracey’s comment. Well done.

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  22. nothing is permanent, not even our sorrows and regrets

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  23. I’m so glad you explained that as I was dense about it until I read the comments. Excellent writing with great metaphors. Well done Ansumani. — Suzanne

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  24. Nice one, I got it, the story is fine the way it is. Doesn’t have to be obvious 🙂

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  25. I know exactly how the writer feels. My house is no longer my home and will be put up for sale. Hubby’s ashes stand on the mantel and it feels truly empty (no offense to my two boys….)

    I love the way you told this story.

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  26. Nicely done, Ansumani. Loved the line “a river, long gone dry”.

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  27. I had to read some of the comments in order to grasp the figurative language. This was a great take on the prompt. POwerful imagery.

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  28. I love your style – crisp and mystical

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